LOADING DATA
Black Harvest
Members | |
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Current | |
Kishor | Guitars, Vocals, Bass (2002-2015, 2016-present), Drum programming (2002-2015, 2016-present), Keyboards (2002-2015, 2016-present) |
Member(bands): Ash, In Human Form, Crisis Actor, Legion of the Fallen | |
Past | |
Kirsten | Bass |
Julius Freire | Bass (?-2016) |
Dan | Bass (?-2015), Vocals (?-2015) |
(R.I.P. 2017) Member(bands): Algol, The Beyond, Engorge | |
Eric Chun | Drums |
Member(bands): Demized, Eden A.D. | |
Roger | Guitars |
Member(bands): Ash | |
Tommy Rosario | Vocals |
Member(bands): Eden A.D. | |
Ben Bloom | Drums (2015-2016) |
Member(bands): Prostitution | |
Russ Cowen | Guitars (2015-2016) |
Member(bands): Prostitution |
# | Discography | Type | Year | |
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1 | Shrine of Hours | Full-length | 2003 | Show album |
2 | Mute | Full-length | 2005 | Show album |
3 | White Light Came Down | Full-length | 2005 | Show album |
4 | Ingrate | Full-length | 2010 | Show album |
5 | Abject | Full-length | 2014 | Show album |
6 | 2015 Demo | Demo | 2015 | Show album |
7 | Attrition | EP | 2017 | Show album |
8 | Sun Across the Fields | EP | 2020 | Show album |
Shrine of Hours
Members | |
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Band members | |
Kishor | Guitars, Vocals, Bass, Drum programming, Keyboards |
Guest/Session | |
Kirsten | Songwriting |
Eric Chun | Songwriting |
Roger | Guitars (Tracks 5, 7 & 8), Songwriting |
Miscellaneous staff | |
Neal Chapman | Recording, Engineering, Mixing |
Kishor | Recording, Engineering, Mixing, Design |
Roger | Recording, Engineering, Mixing |
Tracks | |||
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1. | Land of the Drowned | 06:15 | |
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2. | Victim | 03:44 | |
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3. | Funeral Feast | 03:56 | Show lyrics |
OPEN. THE SHADOWS ARE OPEN. AND THEY WILL HOUND YOU AND TEAR YOU DOWN. FOOL! YOU SAW THE COMING WINTER FROM MILES AWAY. YET YOU DID NOTHING. (RAVAGING WIND.) STAY IN HERE. THE NIGHTS ARE LONG - THIS WILL BE THE DARKEST ONE. COVER UP YOUR BRIGHT EYES. SEE NOTHING MORE. COME DOWN TO THE GARDEN. THIS IS THE FUNERAL FEAST. STRANGER, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? YOU BROUGHT THE PLAGUE. REVEL NOW IN THE MURDERING HOUR. ENTER. WE, TO THE CONDEMNING FIRE. BEWARE YOU THE BURGEONING SEED. BLOOD FEEDING ITS NEW ROOTS. SHADOW. LIKE A CANCER. GROWING UNCHECKED HERE. FOOL! YOU WANTED THE WINTER. WELL, HERE IS THE WINTER. COVER YOU IN SOFT WHITE CLAY. OVER WHERE OUR BODIES LAY. YOU AND WE ARE ONE. SO, YOU WERE THE LAUGHING ONE. LIKE A FLAME TO SHAME THE SUN. LIKE A FLAME, YOU FELL DOWN. AND BECAME ASH. |
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4. | A Mass Grave | 06:10 | Show lyrics |
CRY. THIS GRAY MORNING - THEY FOUND A THOUSAND GOOD MEN HERE. YOU ARE NOTHING. NOT EVEN A NAME. WE THROW THE LIGHT OF YOUR DEATH TO THE SKY. (SHOULD WE GO DOWN. OUT OF YOUR LIVES. BITING UPON OUR TONGUES: BUILD US A VILLAGE IN PRAISE. AND NEVER FORGET HOW WE LIVED.) VIOLET SHADOWS THE GROUND. YESTERDAY WAS THE BURNING DAY. GRIEF IS THE HAMMER OF GOD. SOFT LIGHT SHOULD HAVE ENVELOPED YOU. SUCK IN THE BURNING AIR. DRY AND SEARING YOUR TONGUE. FALL AND BECOME ONE. ONE OF THE SHADES OF DAWN. (WE HAVE LEARNED TO OFFER THE LIGHT.) SKIN LIKE CANDLES RED. MELTING BEFORE YOUR EYES. SEVER THE SEED FROM HOPE. DYING FOR THE LACK OF WINGS. (OH, LOVE WE’LL FLY AWAY. SWEET AIR BENEATH US. SURE, IT’S TRUE - WE ARE GHOSTS OF HELL. SHORN OF FLESH. BUT I THINK I SEE THE SUN. FAR AWAY COLD NOW. IN THE GARDEN OF DELIGHTS. WHERE ARE WE NOW, IF NOT DEAD?) GIVE US NO DREAMS BUT FOR THIS: ONE SHALLOW GRAVE FILLED WITH OUR BROTHERS AND SONS. WITH SLIT THROATS. ON BROKEN KNEES. WHISPERING PRAYERS. |
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5. | The Grey Hours | 04:48 | |
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6. | Flood | 02:49 | |
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7. | Stranger Beings | 05:28 | Show lyrics |
CRAZY BLOOD-STAINED SKY. FIRE WE’VE FORGOTTEN. COME SOON. RAGING ON OUR LAND. WE, THE CURSED CHILDREN OF A DYING FATHER. DIG US DEEP IN THE SOIL. COLD OUR HANDS. JOINED OUR BONES. FIRE CAME TODAY. FOLD OUR HANDS. LAY OUR HEADS DOWN FOR A THOUSAND YEARS. WHERE ARE YOU SHINING STAR, FIRE ON THE WIND? COVER OUR EYES WITH A BLACK LAYER OF ASH THAT NEVER GOES AWAY. FATHER, COME BACK. WE ARE STRANGER BEINGS. ATTENUATED. BLESSED IN ALL OUR SHAPES. OUR SKIN MELTS LIKE WATER. AWAY BENEATH US. RISING UP FOREVER. RISING UP FOREVER. WE ARE STRANGER BEINGS. MADE OF PURE LIGHT. SINGING SONGS. GOD CAME DOWN FROM HEAVEN AND CLOSED OUR EYES. WE RISE UP FOREVER. |
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8. | Babylon | 03:15 | |
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9. | Wrath | 05:05 | |
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10. | The Lamb’s Revenge | 06:52 | Show lyrics |
DIE. DREAMING HEART. SCORN IS THE MEASURE OF THE SKY. ONE HUNDRED RAGING RIVERS ACROSS. BERATE THE NEW SUN. GRIEF IS THE DEPTH. HATRED THE HEIGHT. LIE DOWN FOR A WHILE. (WE’LL BURN YOUR TONGUE.) HOLD THE LIGHT IN YOUR ARMS. (WE’LL CUT OUT YOUR EYES.) FEAR NOT, WE’LL HOLD YOU UP HERE. BENEATH THE DIRT. THE HUNGRY MILLIONS SCREAM FOR BLOOD. WE ALL HOPE YOU DIE AWAKE. HERE - HAVE THE LAST OF YOUR FOUL GRACE. RAPING THE BLUE SKY. DIE. DREAMING HEART. SHATTERED AWAKE. DAY WITHOUT DAWN. I HAVE THE KNIFE FOR YOUR BACK. LET ME PUT IT IN. SAVOR THE SICKNESS - DEATH WOULD BE TOO KIND. HERE IS THE CLEANSING FIRE COME. BURNING YOUR LIFE OUT. I DREAM ONLY OF THIS. YOUR HEART, SILENT AND COLD. LIE DOWN FOR A WHILE. (WE’LL BURN YOUR TONGUE.) HOLD THE LIGHT IN YOUR ARMS. (WE’LL CUT OUT YOUR EYES.) FEAR NOT, WE’LL HOLD YOU UP HERE. BENEATH THE DIRT. LIE DOWN AND DIE. DIE. DREAMING HEART. |
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11. | Shrine of Hours | 05:14 | |
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53:36 |
Mute
Members | |
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Band members | |
Kishor | Guitars, Vocals, Bass, Drum programming, Keyboards |
Guest/Session | |
Neal Chapman | Guitars, Piano (track 4) |
Tracks | |||
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1. | Lamentation | 06:28 | |
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2. | Die, Lavinia | 07:37 | |
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3. | Let Us Go | 05:41 | |
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4. | New Year’s Day | 07:56 | Show lyrics |
Well, here’s to the New Year. We were too drunk to see it come, And when we woke with the light, You were already gone. We don’t remember anything. It was a bad day, thick with ghosts. Would you have died anyway, If I held you in my arms? Here’s to the New Year. You were the last. We called for you until our voices died. There is a white door, flying open. There’s only morning where you’re gone. You are reaching upwards, always, Fading into the cold light. I dream a thousand dreams Where you never, ever died. This song is dedicated to Michael Crosby and the thirty-first of December, 1999. |
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5. | Harvest of Souls | 03:52 | |
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6. | Tamora | 18:04 | |
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49:38 |
White Light Came Down
Album versions
Release date | Label | Catalog ID | Format | Description |
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July 20th, 2005 | Oak Knoll Productions | OKP011 | CD | |
Unknown | Independent | Digital | Bandcamp |
Members | |
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Band members | |
Kishor | Guitars, Bass, Vocals |
Eric | Drums |
Roger | Guitars |
Miscellaneous staff | |
Kishor | Recording, Artwork |
Roger | Recording |
Brent Lambert | Mastering |
Tracks | |||
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1. | Die, Lavinia | 07:20 | Show lyrics |
Father, I’ve no hands Father, I’ve no voice Take me from this I cannot take myself (She would writhe on the ground Screaming up at the sun Covered in filth Ravaged by the dogs) Honey tongue, pride and joy, such a soft voice Silver child, sweet and mild Live forever in this beautiful garden You, the bright, shining light in a blue sky Tears for you are tears of joy You won’t ever die (Running down the line She would beg for water Without a tongue Blood flowing like a river from her open mouth) Marcus: Who is this, that flies away so fast? If I do dream, would all my wealth would wake me If I do wake, some planet strike me down Why dost not speak to me? You were there, lifeless stare Turning lead white, so serene Snap your neck Dead in the cold light is how you came to the garden You won’t ever leave Bled ’til noon, raped and torn But this is the last day Oh, goodbye, shut your eyes Turn your head away You died right here in the garden I killed you with my own hands |
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2. | Let Us Go | 04:34 | Show lyrics |
Shatter and blacken the Earth We are nothing, pour us into the sea This place is the province of fools Screaming once, then gone We are born into the ground Three fingers down Kindness, cut out our babbling tongues Running frantic, dripping blood Let us go, you are unkind Forgive us, and we’ll die afraid Far from the light of day With our arms open wide: Your cold, dead children We cry for you Under the flood, choking on ash We cry for you Reject the sun Kill our tomorrow Bury our heads Are we not wise? Breathe in the dirty, you failing child And we’ll die afraid Writhing in this heaven you made Under a cold, black sky Let us go, you are unkind Forgive us |
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3. | Tamora | 06:39 | Show lyrics |
Come on back and hold me down You took the light from out my eyes Your gods are cruel And your faith is unkind And I will bury you No matter this - they are blind And I am helpless at their feet Two minutes before You were shaking at my side Where are you now? Lucius: Give us the proudest prisoner of goths That we may hew his limbs And on a pile, ad manes fratrum Sacrifice his flesh That so the shadows be not appeased Tamora: Titus, rue the tears I shed A mother’s tears in passion for her son And if thy sons were ever dear to thee Oh, think my son to be as dear to me Sufficeth not that we are brought to Rome; But must my sons be slaughtered in the streets? Come back, come back to me, my child I will heal you of all your wounds Come back, come back to me, my child Tamora: I will find a day to massacre them all And make them know what ’tis To let a queen kneel in the streets And beg for grace in vain If I had a knife I would cut out your heart If I could untie these chains I would wrap them ’round your throat I will find a way to take your life for this Set me free for one more day; That day will be your last Aaron: Now climbeth Tamora Olympus’ top Safe out of fortune’s shot And sits aloft, secure of thunder’s crack, or lightning flash Advanced above pale envy’s threatening reach As when the golden sun salutes the morn And, having gilt the ocean with his beams Gallops the zodiac in his glistering coach And overlooks the highest peering hills |
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4. | Remnant | 06:46 | Show lyrics |
It’s like we drank a brutal poison, and it scoured right through our veins. Our hearts are hard and empty now, and we have lost all sense of hope. It’s like the sky is black as the earth, and all we breathe has drowned in dust. We see only hate wherever we look, so our blue eyes have turned to stone. (Morning shouldn’t ever have come to this - another fine day, dawning red. The earth itself has turned against you, and from its deepest heart rent your gardens wide. You fail to see: we walk beside you, holding the knife. We’ll kill them all. We have but one heart left among us - a screaming shadow, run shaking to its end. I tell you, I swear, we’ll kill them all.) Here comes the sun. You’ve wanted this for oh, so long. They all came to throw your doors open wide, take you out into the light; but you’ll remain here in this black room. You died half a day too soon. This cold and rotten fruit, this dry and bitter fruit, is all for you. How you walk, so like the blind. How you speak, so like the deaf. And how you died. The sun is only an illusion, but it still hides away in shame. We’ll vanish from here like smoke on the wind. We won’t be seen ever again. It was a prayer much like this one: useless and detached. It was a day much like this one; we covered over your broken body, there on the hill. |
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5. | New Year’s Day | 06:36 | Show lyrics |
Well, here’s to the New Year. We were too drunk to see it come, And when we woke with the light, You were already gone. We don’t remember anything. It was a bad day, thick with ghosts. Would you have died anyway, If I held you in my arms? Here’s to the New Year. You were the last. We called for you until our voices died. There is a white door, flying open. There’s only morning where you’re gone. You are reaching upwards, always, Fading into the cold light. I dream a thousand dreams Where you never, ever died. This song is dedicated to Michael Crosby and the thirty-first of December, 1999. |
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6. | Lamentation | 05:56 | Show lyrics |
Go drown the sun in blood What a beautiful day! How the daylight shines upon us in our tombes! Go call back the rivers Dry them in their courses The king of dawn is dead Tell your dreaming children The heavens are devoured Let them never wake again Mary, listen well: You carry a cancer red fruit in your dead womb Oh, holy revelation: We were weak and then we fell Carve us out a new sky Without any color For our rebirth is as the blind How like we are to fire! Here is what remains when fire’s gone Burn down our land We are the traitor sons of light Mother, you won’t ever cry again once we consume your blue eyes Here, we are the failures: Children who could have been gods Our flickering shadows grow ever longer Dancing a funeral lament Bury us tomorrow Bury us down in the dirt Go drown the sun in blood What a beautiful day! How the daylight shines upon us in our tombs! Go call back the rivers Dry them in their courses The king of dawn is dead Drown the sun in blood Give us back to water Our laughter lies dying in our throats Build for us a shrine of our remaining hours And pray for us, for our voices are gone |
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7. | White Light Came Down | 06:25 | Show lyrics |
There are the ruins of us Jagged edges upwards, clawing at the sky There, our twisted bodies froze into these forms: Daggers aimed at unseen hearts White light came down We died with a curse nearly past our lips And fell six shallow feet It could have been paradise But the ground was frozen And all our flesh was swelled with rot Give us our peace, blistered and broken So this day might end Give us a home, barren and black Shattered asunder Take from our hands every song Until there’s nothing left This is our grave, shut like a lock Stronger than even the stones Despite our fondest dreams We won’t ever fly from here Although our hearts are young It’s true, we did fly once For a moment some years ago But failed to find the sun And so we fell And you are right to doubt us To say we are all cowards To think that we were weak We could have fallen so much farther Or bled for some much longer But even then, its here we would remain Were you there, oh father When we died beneath the flood? Were you there? We called your name a thousand times Please, let us be forgotten Though our bodies stain your lands We may hear your children’s faces But death is all we are Not love, not life, only the death we died |
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8. | Apocalypse (Hypocrisy cover) | 05:18 | Show lyrics |
...since I was a child, I saw my own way. and god was not a part of it. I am so sick of hearing your preach about heaven all this bullshit about paradise. [chanting] You (The) christians must be stopped from spreading all the lies, (The only way to gather them, with a ) (with the sound) (a bang.) Have mercy It’s the ending...of your life. As my mind slips away, I see no end of this misery The only truth is myself, I can’t go on this way NOOOO!! [Chantings] I use for killing, to the end of the rainbow. All alone I’ll be there. NOOO!!! When their time has arrived. Have mercy. It’s the end, of your life. When their time has arrived. Have mercy. It’s the ending, of your life. |
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49:34 |
Ingrate
Album versions
Release date | Label | Catalog ID | Format | Description |
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2010 | Oak Knoll Productions | CD | ||
March 4th, 2011 | Independent | Digital | Bandcamp |
Members | |
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Miscellaneous staff | |
Kishor | Recording |
Tracks | |||
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1. | Pathetic Labor | 04:46 | Show lyrics |
Run, and never come back. The hour is upon you. Never come back. The measure of your failures is the sum of what you are. Where will you fly, child? Far beyond my reach? How will you fly, child, so fast and so far that you might outpace the sun? Who in his right mind would go on with this pathetic labor, long after hope and beauty are gone? You’ve lost everything. Go, break your back. Grind your face in the dirt. You asked and you’ll receive. Here is watered wine, given to you in scorn. Swallow it down until you choke, and die in a corner, a martyr without a god. Who in his right mind would go on with this pathetic labor, after everything? Come, come, surrender to the weakness of the moment. Bow down and become empty. I’ll give you all you need, and take everything you are. Raise your head up high. Close your searching eyes, and open your mouth wide. You’re nothing but a slave. Who in his right mind would cast off his every dream to go on with this pathetic labor, after everything? | |||
2. | Husk | 04:02 | Show lyrics |
Are you suffocating? I heard a voice calling out from the street last night, but it wasn’t you. You were laying in a cold white bed with a tube shoved into your throat. This is not the way that it should have ended between you and me: faint voices fading down the wire. Everything in the room is so quiet. They close your mouth and take you off the machine. Consider this a moment of reason, from the abyss into which you’re about to fall. You are not strong enough. It’s not murder, but it feels like it when I let go. It’s far too late, too late to bring you back for long, too late for this weak indulgence. See how I have learned! My mouth is shut like a lock. It’s far too late. No penitence or labor will bring you back after the harshest judge has spoken. Are you conscious? Your eyes move, but they don’t track anything here inside the room. They’re focused on a great white light or a face from long ago. I try, but I can’t see a thing and I promise, nothing’s there. If you can breathe at all, respond. Or, better by far, just give in, like we had asked. Any moment now you will find, on your back with your eyes wide open, that everything is revealed, every wrong has been forgiven, and you’ll never be alone, ever again, ever again. I owe you this: to release you from this husk, with no hope of better days, but only an end to pain. | |||
3. | Gift | 05:45 | Show lyrics |
What sense do you lack, that you cannot hear this song, that you turn away from this warmth into your unlit world, and crawl, naked and afraid? Thank you for this sweet communion, that rolls like a ghost on my tongue, empty if not for your name, silent except for your song. I can remember your face. I taste you whenever I breathe. If you would come back to me, shining, I would lay my head at your feet. I can’t believe that you’re gone. Here, on my back I lay here, foul-tongued, working to build a cage of bitter words to trap revelations. You, you bought the fucking scripture whole, and your soul is fed hand to mouth on another’s words, starving, soon gone without a trace. You have one chance left to accept absolution: dance like a madman to the demanding beat in your blood, no matter it’s bleeding from your feet wherever you step. Dance like a whirlwind, or you’ll be lost; and if the pressure is too strong, if the desire to rest fills you with joy, then you must leave this sacred room. You don’t belong here, and you might as well be dead. How I wish, how I yearn after stars, when all I can see is this light from a fire that died years ago. If I excise the root, the rest of this sick longing might disappear. Child, oh child, can you hear me? You weren’t worth the price after all. If your heart had truly been open, you would have come back when I called. You won’t ever see me again. | |||
4. | Remain in Silence | 04:01 | Show lyrics |
Hands of stone close the door. Eyes of stone watch without sight. I must be stone - I feel nothing. Saint of hope and kindness, raise your head. Who among us will recall that you are human, in neither form nor power like a god? I build a monument in your name to obscure my weakness, then search for hope in vain from its highest point. The sun here is cruel and revealing. Be kind now - turn away from my scars. The place where I was born is filled with strangers. I’ve become a slave in its deepest room. Maybe if I hide for long enough, I can die right here. I should lock myself behind this door, and press the gun into my waiting mouth, break the teeth, burn the tongue, rip the skin, shatter bone, spill the blood out, never find the heart. How could you remain in silence, and cast your eyes down? How could you remain in silence? I have found the sacred truth: you shine like heaven, but you’re scum. Saint of what’s dead and gone, you’re killing us all with your disease. This is not a dance of celebration, but something poor men do in hungry years. I had everything once, and then I lost it. I wish I was dead, because my body’s given up. | |||
5. | Wake | 05:46 | Show lyrics |
There will come a dawn, you’ll see, during which you may feel the uncontrollable urge to arise, cast off your unbecoming grief, and merge with the surrounding light, and not remember us. With our hands to the sky, we yearn for your ghost. We’d pull you back to us if we could. Somehow, I believe we never will, no matter how we might stretch upwards for miles. No matter. You remain beyond our reach. Why, of all of us, should you alone achieve unity with the divine, while we lie here waiting for words that never come? We’ll die here, waiting for you. Oh, friend, we were far too cautious to return the embrace. So, like a wave, from the center and outwards, into pure calm, you’ll fly like a god, while we claw in vain at the empty air. I’ve heard the eye is a perfect razor. So soon after you’re gone, even we will forget your name, though in my dreams you’re awake, and aware of everything, dancing in the limitless fire. Hello, sunlight. Come consume me whole. I’m tired of waiting for you. Come consume me whole. There’s a fire in heaven. You’ve never seen such fire. Wake up, oh god wake up, wake up, oh please god wake up. | |||
6. | Ingrate | 05:06 | Show lyrics |
I brought the gift of fire. Doubtless, when you dream, you think of me - or what would be the point of remaining alone? A version of me hides behind every door. The virgin’s sense of longing, gone these many years, comes back with a shock - or what would be the point of seeking me? Your silence on this point is answer enough. I have your hidden heart, clenched within my fever grasp, helpless except to return. You lived here as a child, but you’re barred from this door. Since you turned from my words, you can’t see me anymore. I will be the enemy inside your chest. Fear me now. I promise you will never rest. You were fed by these hands, beloved of kings. You felt nothing at all. Now, a dog in a corner would have more courage. You turned away once. That was your last chance. I have heard your strongest prayers. I have seen your filthy hands. No true son of mine would reject me, and you are not singing loud enough, and you’re not trying hard enough, and you’ve been here for long enough to know better, but still you turned away. Now you’re a child of this world, dirt within a weak shell. When you move, it’s without direction. When you die, you’ll disappear. Like a falling cinder consumed, turning to ash, you’ll feel nothing at all. If I was god of this world, I swear to you, you’d suffer like no man, no man ever has. Ingrate! You can’t have been more wrong. Everything you love means shit. You can’t have been more wrong. | |||
7. | Behind Every Tree and Stone | 05:30 | Show lyrics |
Some say the world will end in violence, or the sea will rise and cover up the land. You said the world was never-ending. When we were young, fate was far more kind, and the sun shone higher and more brightly, and the night was never quite this black. Could we have been so wrong? Where have you been gone? How could you wait so long, only to return, and die at my feet? Now I beg the truth from strangers, on empty streets in decaying towns, but I can’t forget your words. You said god was all around us, but I can’t find him anywhere, and I’ve looked behind every tree and stone. No star in the East, to light my path; no voice in the dark; no gentle hands, guiding me back home. And I know you’re here no longer, if you were ever here at all, but I feel your eyes upon me, and somehow, I swear you’re hiding, behind every tree and stone, behind every tree and stone. | |||
8. | In Your Absence | 06:22 | Show lyrics |
I’m sick to death of your silence. I’ll die before you can catch me crying for grace with empty praise. Even after your absence, no-one seems able to believe that you’re gone. I believe you were never there. I’d run like hell from a thousand luminous forms that look just like you, but contain nothing of the truth. I’d die to avoid your thousand hands, that pull me down towards any pretension of permanence, and I see you feel the same. You’ve left me here and hidden in a corner. You would die to escape my touch. Call it an act of love. Call it whatever you like - I know the truth. I was born with a knife in my hand, and no other fitting target, so raise your head, bare your throat. You don’t deserve conversations with the beloved. You have a poison tongue. You should be chained to the floor, and left to rot, with all the other dogs. I’ll come to you and sing. You’ll never wake up from this dream. I see you, finally, I do. Your face is the same as mine: empty of everything but hunger. Why in god’s name do you smile? How in god’s name can you smile? Look at what you’ve done with what I gave. I’ve found the only true meaning of surrender. It was not within your words. I am a stone, this is an ocean, and I will be washed clean, and forgotten, and reduced to sand. | |||
9. | Father Alabaster | 09:50 | Show lyrics |
What is this? No breathless abandon; no life-consuming fire. Where is the blood-red song? It was so loud that our veins would overflow. Hang your head down in silence. Your body is a pillar of shame. It’s been so long since you came here that you’ve forgotten why. A single, distant point of light, faint and far. When you were a child, it never would shine so bright as this. Where is that light? (Someone behind us forced it down.) I hear a song. (Child, you were born deaf.) I’ll follow it home. (Home is a black and empty thing.) I’ll follow it home. (Home is a bitter, broken cage, made of death.) Close your eyes; there’s nothing here to see. Lay your white head down. Go to sleep. And until you die, you’ll remain here. You opened up your eyes and stared straight into the sun for too long. It turned you pale and white, transparent in the light. Your morning song won’t be heard any longer. A wind came from the sea and took it away. Remember, you came from dust, and to that dust you shall return. All your life, you lay down. You’re a stranger in a cruel place, a name and a sunken face, and your white heart is empty. You’re gone without a prayer. Come back. | |||
51:08 |
Abject
Album versions
Release date | Label | Catalog ID | Format | Description |
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February 13th, 2014 | Independent | Digital | Bandcamp | |
May 19th, 2015 | Independent | CD |
Members | |
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Band members | |
Kishor | Bass, Drum programming, Guitars, Keyboards, Vocals |
Guest/Session | |
Russ Cowen | Guitars (additional) |
Miscellaneous staff | |
Kishor | Recording |
Brad Boatright | Mastering |
Aaron Ray-Crichton | Photography |
Tracks | |||
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1. | A Form of Blindness | 04:38 | Show lyrics |
A form of blindness drove me here, into your arms, in a reckless moment. A kind of pity kept me here past my days, as kind as chains on a slave. Would it come as a shock, to find your bird has flown, having rediscovered flight in the grip of the noose? You’re singing in the dark: a tether to your door. A second of remorse, as innocence creeps in. A shout in vain. The bastard’s mother, you took nothing in. There’s deception at the heart of you, cold heart, unbereaved. Blood on the ground beneath you, leaking down your legs to poison the bare earth, wherever you go. I’m never far behind. An unwilling father, you’re everything I asked. You gave to me the flesh for life. Moving and breathing, the red flower in my veins; completely dead beneath the surface - flat eyes, hollow chest. You’re raging at the dawn, a voice to crack the sky. Wherever I might go, you drag me by the neck. Did it come as a shock, when the collar, that fit so tight it would never come undone, was a means of escape, finally? I’ve left you far behind. In a secret life, we never met, and I had joy more than anything I’ve known. There’s a secret home, down a thousand steps. Its door will open once, and shut me in alone. | |||
2. | Host | 02:42 | Show lyrics |
My eyes in your face, staring at the wall. Here is where a grown man becomes a child again. It’s just as well you’ve laid down your burdens, after such a long life. After so many years when you did nothing but consume. Nothing in this world rests easy at night. Your heart slows down, but you’re bleeding out faster, drained, an empty sack. The pattern that you are is fragile. The pattern’s all you are, and it dissolves. And I am a willing host for anything that’s left: one quarter of your blood, the closest you will come to eternal life. And in good time, we’ll circle round like crows, an open-mouthed farewell, ripping you apart. Your voice in my throat, your tremors in my arms: the disease of the father forced upon the son. I have finally found a home. | |||
3. | Confined | 05:51 | Show lyrics |
Nothing in my house but cold words for a long life, abandoned to my need. Nothing in my house but long nights in a cold bed, hollowed out by grief. One second in the shadow would freeze my veins. One moment in the sunlight would burn me away. So my silence has lasted years. Can you hear me now? One word to fall, light as a feather, and bring your father down. That’s all I have left. A bitter end to a joyful life. That’s all I have left, one breath into the next and then it stops. That’s all I have left. I see it coming and I cannot look away. I could have had all of it, but I turned my back on it, and the worms tunneled in my blood. Enter me, feed on me. My skin is not my own. Enter me, feed on me, and die without a home. Til then there’s no relief. The mind is set to wander, while the body lingers on. There’s nothing in my house. A door has been thrown wide. The thief has come and gone. And the worst part of it is that I’m still inside of it, and I can see you all from here, but never say a word. I’m fed through a tube, and shit into a tube, in the corner of a room that I’ll never, ever leave, ever again. Every kind word I hear is from a stranger. Every day I’m washed, turned on my side, and left to rot. Every day I’m more like an animal, confined inside. That’s all I have left - a painful end, though it come in silence. That’s all I have left. Closing doors and distant voices. Here is all I need, drugged until my eyes glaze over. I remember who you are, though you’ve forgotten me by now. Minutes pass like days. Every night’s the same. Before we’re divided, look at me once more. I am not the father you adore. First my body withers, then it burns, and then to the river near my home I will return. A cloud is on my vision, but the road is clear: you can leave right now, and I will die right here. | |||
4. | Salt and Sand | 05:04 | Show lyrics |
Come, wash your wounds. Rest your bleeding feet. Though you’ve broken every promise, closed every door, wasted every gift, come take what you can. Wash your wounds with salt and sand. No matter how clean you are, you’ll never be clean enough. Your feet pollute the ground. Your breath poisons the air. Your body’s best described with words better left unsaid. You’re more than half dead. No, you can never be clean enough - but still, come wash your wounds in this stream, where as a child you would sit and dream, though dreams aren’t strong enough. Your day has come and gone. Stand in the circle, naked to the waist, locked in your own embrace, wallowing in filth. Remain under the water till it once again runs clear, and takes you far from here. At your approach, the earth would shift. Leaves scatter to the sky. Grass and flowers die. I praise your name with a million voices, raised in a song of shame, to keep the dead in the ground, your body on the ground, your face held to the ground, while I hammer the nail through. Then later, I’ll wash your wounds with salt and sand. Oh, how you lay there, king of birds and stones. Oh, how you lay there, graceless and cold, a shell, a piece of meat. You stabbed the sacred heart. You bit the sacred hand. You’ll die in your own shit, but first you’ll live in pain. No matter how you wash, you’ll never be clean again. | |||
5. | Aftermath | 04:02 | Show lyrics |
Part 1: In the aftermath of the kill, they scatter, like leaves and ashes would, as he drops from heaven like a stone. Cursed, slow, unwitting, you alone: left standing in his path. I blame the course of things, that took you from my side - a shadow cast on the ground for a moment, and then it’s gone, and no word, no act, no hope, nothing remains. Worms for your flesh, rats for your bones, and a stone with your name on it. I blame the hidden things, that attack from above, that live to strike us down, that hunger with no remorse, that tore you from my side without a sound. Part 2: Same mistake every day - drinking the poison down to the dregs. Sinking in, sinking deep, subtle as a whisper. This wound’s not the same as any other cut. No matter the skill of the hand, no matter the will of the mind, it will never heal. Your wound, your shame: it works like a drug inside you, but it spreads like a disease. Finally, you’ll climb up to the greatest height, like a ladder into the sky, outlined in black smoke against the sun, one breath before it’s blown away. What have you done? | |||
6. | Holy Blood | 02:58 | Show lyrics |
Holy blood, a gift of overwhelming grace, only for those who abase themselves and kneel at your command. One nation under fools who’ve forgotten how to stand. You’re crawling in a circle, chained inside since birth. Fall inwards from this point? You’ll never reach the earth. There’s nothing at the center: no god, no soul. A blind, voiceless mouth, opening to the sky at random. Suck down the shit nourishment you sought from above. Your father’s house has many rooms, but no room there for me. When I stand outside the walls, your iron gates seem weak. Give me bread and coin, and lock the door behind, focused inward on the divine. Stay in that circle till you rot. Standing at this height, no miracle of mind, but a circle made of lies, where the deaf entrap the blind. There’s nothing at the center. | |||
7. | The Beggar’s Song | 05:28 | Show lyrics |
Whosoever would offer sustenance, I come as a beggar before you. Some are called to the table who bring wine, fruit, or tender flesh - a feast for kings. There are those of us who come with only hunger. We’ll starve to death unless we learn to sing. A fool before your court, groveling in the dirt for every meal. Hold me down at the right moment. Nobody comes when I call. This cruelty is necessary - no one else will ever see, no one else will ever know. No one else will ever know what the truth is. Now see what you’ve done? Now see what you’ve done? Tasted of my flesh. I’m in the circle now, and everything is connected: my bones inside your skin. As daylight’s child, I was strong. Here, every night, I’m dead on my back. Though everything’s the same, and you’ll never hear my words, I’m closer to you now than I’ve ever been. Some are called to the table out of need. Some of us would have been happier alone. Are you now unready, or unwilling, to eat the harvest you have sown? If I return to you with a cover on my eyes, treat me gently. And though I seem a beggar in disguise, let me in, and let me have my fill. If I come as a wolf before your door, make me welcome. But afterwards, if once you turn away, as if you never saw me - I swear you never will. | |||
8. | Echo in Dead Space | 03:29 | Show lyrics |
In the end, that’s all it takes: the choice to be numb, the chance to forget what little might have been. It’s not from the sky; it’s born from within, ephemeral as vapor. From the back of the mind to the tip of the tongue, inevitably changes. When I say blood is a chain; when I say death is a gift; when I say I’m not coming back - what you should hear is a song from a cage. Move my lips in sacred shapes. Everything is a twisted echo in dead space. It has to be enough, because it’s all there is. Writhe, mouth on mouth,a velvet tongue. Stick it in: a brand new sacrament every time. I remember you well, although you’re gone, lost to the years. There’s a stranger in your skin. Up in the sky, it hangs likes a curse, a scar in the center of my eye. And like a fire, it consumes, though it’s burning miles away, and every shred of hope, every scrap of warmth has been denied. I rise from my worthless sleep, a worm on the ground at your feet. If miles and years melt away, I see you shining high, clear as the dawn. I should die that day. It hurts for a second and then it’s gone. | |||
9. | Your Words Are Made of Gold | 04:42 | Show lyrics |
Your words are made of gold. On a summer day, they fly up to the sun, and they’re gone away. My words are made of iron. They pierce me through my feet, and hold me to the ground. I’ll never leave. I’ll never grow up, and I’ll never grow old, but I’ll learn how to bow down and do what I’m told. Your bitter, cold voice is so loud in my ear; god, I wish you were here, wish you were here. I know what it takes, to prove I never lied: if I kill myself right here, will you believe me? Well, it turns out I’m blind, and it turns out I’m weak, and that everyone’s right to be laughing at me. A secondhand ring from a secondhand man, and I’ll die in the street, die in the street. | |||
38:54 |
2015 Demo
Members | |
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Julius Freire | Bass |
Kishor | Guitars, Vocals |
Ben Bloom | Drums |
Russ Cowen | Guitars |
Tracks | |||
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1. | Solace | 06:02 | |
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2. | Hecatomb | 05:00 | |
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11:02 |
Attrition
Members | |
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Band members | |
Kishor | Guitars, Vocals, Bass |
Guest/Session | |
Kenny Grohowski | Drums |
Miscellaneous staff | |
Kishor | Producer, Mixing, Artwork |
Brad Boatright | Mastering |
Alex Cohen | Drum engineer |
Tracks | |||
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1. | Denial | 05:30 | |
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2. | Solace | 07:04 | |
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3. | Hecatomb | 04:32 | |
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4. | Dawn (Interlude) | 01:24 | |
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5. | Capture | 04:10 | |
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6. | Attrition | 04:55 | Show lyrics |
The only fragments I can recall are disjointed and confused: skin, the laughter of children, tangled limbs. Vomit and blood in my throat. The sky dissolves in a blur. I have never accepted change with any grace. Sometimes, I yearn for the safety of being confined, the weight of years finally thrust aside. Left here alone, in silence so thick I choke. Nothing else worth repeating - empty room, days without food, months without words. A harsh white light that never turned off. A hole in the wall for air, a hole in the floor for shit. In time, I learned to give thanks for all of this. I went to sleep; someone else woke up. The air that I breathe is clean. The sun on my skin is warm and kind. But when I cower and shrink from you like a child, when I claw and scratch at the walls like a dog, until I bleed, I’m where I belong. |
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27:35 |
Sun Across the Fields
Members | |
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Band members | |
Kishor | Guitars, Vocals, Bass, Drum programming, Keyboards |
Miscellaneous staff | |
Nick Zampiello | Mastering |
Kishor | Recording, Mixing, Songwriting |
Tracks | |||
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1. | The Herald King | 12:37 | Show lyrics |
Ah, you must have been born deaf and remained so all this time and kept your face turned away from the horrors of the world Now you’ve come outside and all you hear is screams rising all around no wonder you’re afraid After all, you were made for finer things not the clash of riots or the theft of inner peace So life has prepared you well for sitting safe behind walls using bodies of men as shields as whips when shields won’t do Hide until the world is quiet hide as the lights go out the songs disappear Then such a brave figure you’ll cut all righteous fury uniform silhouettes the mask of order hiding the heart of a mob This profusion of color must be a shock no wonder you’re afraid But oh, to be out there in the tumult dust on the air, blood in our veins See how we dance in the dust and clay even when blood spills even with dogs among us Here is the sense of purpose that you lack even with the might of all these faceless drones gathered around the only power that you hold use it once and it’s gone See how we dance not the twitch of puppet strings not a thirst for finer things not some need to be seen to control from many mouths one voice rises up Even in your high white hall even with doors locked and barred however you might rage wherever you might hide Hark, the herald king of shit cowering there behind his wall until the sun came through the gate burned it all down to ash I can see it rising |
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2. | Oracle | 10:43 | Show lyrics |
Come, Muses, and sing through me of the sunlit next world come, sages, show me the path to a calm harbor after pain Who asks, and from what depths? the owner, the architect, the innermost core of being or a blind fool in chains? tell us what you can see from a place above us all from a trap inside your mind powerless to change flying ever outward no more free than a stone cast from the heights The more that I chase, the harder I grasp, the more I am empty ah, like a forest clearing open like a cup for the light I’ve heard the wound is the place where it enters bright on the barren earth too late for us Scour the flesh scrape the rot away leave what’s left whether or not it can move on its own Was it power to call the wind, or just coincidence that you cried out aloud when the storm was rising up? Read some sign in the leaves the arrangement of scattered bones the cry of a witless bird the position of its broken corpse tell me everything I was blind before I was blind to it all The scar pulls at my skin tearing, burning the omnipresent flaw a gaping void no more salt sharp on the air skin bare to the water not a thing we’ve built here deserves to last no monument for men like us I can see it shining overhead even with my eyes gone no matter what else you take Come knit this scattered prayer into a new order maybe this time, this door, this new branch in the road will lead you somewhere anywhere at all I fall behind, until I’m gone in a mist of white I don’t belong among you and I can no longer see in the distance |
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3. | Abandon | 08:11 | Show lyrics |
Always healing, never healed overflowing, never filled I can remember sharp and clear right here is the place where we were torn apart Part of me is buried there a severed limb that nobody else can see a fire that burns but no one else can feel a scream you’ll never hear a fear you’ll never know And it was me who chose this bitter path beside you wherever it might go but it was you who climbed the mountain while I watched you’re vanishing right now vanishing How can I survive? if only I had stayed in perfect silence if only I could find silence somewhere far away from the world I’ll open my heart up let the gods come in take pure joy in a new life here as a marionette Sometimes I embrace it freedom of a sort frozen in a dance that’s been decided from the start But oh, I said I would take part the last choice I ever had you’re climbing up so high with such abandon The greatest fool in all the world is not the one who follows blind but the one who found truth and chose with open eyes to leave it all behind Part of me is buried there it’s never coming back only empty air where can you have gone? Will you turn now, turn away and abandon everything and run? I was never ready it’s not an answer but I know that it’s the truth and yet I come The sun is at my back |
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31:31 |
White Light Came Down
Members | |
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Band members | |
Kishor | Guitars, Bass, Vocals |
Eric | Drums |
Roger | Guitars |
Miscellaneous staff | |
Kishor | Recording, Artwork |
Roger | Recording |
Brent Lambert | Mastering |
Tracks | |||
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1. | Die, Lavinia | 07:20 | Show lyrics |
Father, I’ve no hands Father, I’ve no voice Take me from this I cannot take myself (She would writhe on the ground Screaming up at the sun Covered in filth Ravaged by the dogs) Honey tongue, pride and joy, such a soft voice Silver child, sweet and mild Live forever in this beautiful garden You, the bright, shining light in a blue sky Tears for you are tears of joy You won’t ever die (Running down the line She would beg for water Without a tongue Blood flowing like a river from her open mouth) Marcus: Who is this, that flies away so fast? If I do dream, would all my wealth would wake me If I do wake, some planet strike me down Why dost not speak to me? You were there, lifeless stare Turning lead white, so serene Snap your neck Dead in the cold light is how you came to the garden You won’t ever leave Bled ’til noon, raped and torn But this is the last day Oh, goodbye, shut your eyes Turn your head away You died right here in the garden I killed you with my own hands |
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2. | Let Us Go | 04:34 | Show lyrics |
Shatter and blacken the Earth We are nothing, pour us into the sea This place is the province of fools Screaming once, then gone We are born into the ground Three fingers down Kindness, cut out our babbling tongues Running frantic, dripping blood Let us go, you are unkind Forgive us, and we’ll die afraid Far from the light of day With our arms open wide: Your cold, dead children We cry for you Under the flood, choking on ash We cry for you Reject the sun Kill our tomorrow Bury our heads Are we not wise? Breathe in the dirty, you failing child And we’ll die afraid Writhing in this heaven you made Under a cold, black sky Let us go, you are unkind Forgive us |
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3. | Tamora | 06:39 | Show lyrics |
Come on back and hold me down You took the light from out my eyes Your gods are cruel And your faith is unkind And I will bury you No matter this - they are blind And I am helpless at their feet Two minutes before You were shaking at my side Where are you now? Lucius: Give us the proudest prisoner of goths That we may hew his limbs And on a pile, ad manes fratrum Sacrifice his flesh That so the shadows be not appeased Tamora: Titus, rue the tears I shed A mother’s tears in passion for her son And if thy sons were ever dear to thee Oh, think my son to be as dear to me Sufficeth not that we are brought to Rome; But must my sons be slaughtered in the streets? Come back, come back to me, my child I will heal you of all your wounds Come back, come back to me, my child Tamora: I will find a day to massacre them all And make them know what ’tis To let a queen kneel in the streets And beg for grace in vain If I had a knife I would cut out your heart If I could untie these chains I would wrap them ’round your throat I will find a way to take your life for this Set me free for one more day; That day will be your last Aaron: Now climbeth Tamora Olympus’ top Safe out of fortune’s shot And sits aloft, secure of thunder’s crack, or lightning flash Advanced above pale envy’s threatening reach As when the golden sun salutes the morn And, having gilt the ocean with his beams Gallops the zodiac in his glistering coach And overlooks the highest peering hills |
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4. | Remnant | 06:46 | Show lyrics |
It’s like we drank a brutal poison, and it scoured right through our veins. Our hearts are hard and empty now, and we have lost all sense of hope. It’s like the sky is black as the earth, and all we breathe has drowned in dust. We see only hate wherever we look, so our blue eyes have turned to stone. (Morning shouldn’t ever have come to this - another fine day, dawning red. The earth itself has turned against you, and from its deepest heart rent your gardens wide. You fail to see: we walk beside you, holding the knife. We’ll kill them all. We have but one heart left among us - a screaming shadow, run shaking to its end. I tell you, I swear, we’ll kill them all.) Here comes the sun. You’ve wanted this for oh, so long. They all came to throw your doors open wide, take you out into the light; but you’ll remain here in this black room. You died half a day too soon. This cold and rotten fruit, this dry and bitter fruit, is all for you. How you walk, so like the blind. How you speak, so like the deaf. And how you died. The sun is only an illusion, but it still hides away in shame. We’ll vanish from here like smoke on the wind. We won’t be seen ever again. It was a prayer much like this one: useless and detached. It was a day much like this one; we covered over your broken body, there on the hill. |
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5. | New Year’s Day | 06:36 | Show lyrics |
Well, here’s to the New Year. We were too drunk to see it come, And when we woke with the light, You were already gone. We don’t remember anything. It was a bad day, thick with ghosts. Would you have died anyway, If I held you in my arms? Here’s to the New Year. You were the last. We called for you until our voices died. There is a white door, flying open. There’s only morning where you’re gone. You are reaching upwards, always, Fading into the cold light. I dream a thousand dreams Where you never, ever died. This song is dedicated to Michael Crosby and the thirty-first of December, 1999. |
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6. | Lamentation | 05:56 | Show lyrics |
Go drown the sun in blood What a beautiful day! How the daylight shines upon us in our tombes! Go call back the rivers Dry them in their courses The king of dawn is dead Tell your dreaming children The heavens are devoured Let them never wake again Mary, listen well: You carry a cancer red fruit in your dead womb Oh, holy revelation: We were weak and then we fell Carve us out a new sky Without any color For our rebirth is as the blind How like we are to fire! Here is what remains when fire’s gone Burn down our land We are the traitor sons of light Mother, you won’t ever cry again once we consume your blue eyes Here, we are the failures: Children who could have been gods Our flickering shadows grow ever longer Dancing a funeral lament Bury us tomorrow Bury us down in the dirt Go drown the sun in blood What a beautiful day! How the daylight shines upon us in our tombs! Go call back the rivers Dry them in their courses The king of dawn is dead Drown the sun in blood Give us back to water Our laughter lies dying in our throats Build for us a shrine of our remaining hours And pray for us, for our voices are gone |
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7. | White Light Came Down | 06:25 | Show lyrics |
There are the ruins of us Jagged edges upwards, clawing at the sky There, our twisted bodies froze into these forms: Daggers aimed at unseen hearts White light came down We died with a curse nearly past our lips And fell six shallow feet It could have been paradise But the ground was frozen And all our flesh was swelled with rot Give us our peace, blistered and broken So this day might end Give us a home, barren and black Shattered asunder Take from our hands every song Until there’s nothing left This is our grave, shut like a lock Stronger than even the stones Despite our fondest dreams We won’t ever fly from here Although our hearts are young It’s true, we did fly once For a moment some years ago But failed to find the sun And so we fell And you are right to doubt us To say we are all cowards To think that we were weak We could have fallen so much farther Or bled for some much longer But even then, its here we would remain Were you there, oh father When we died beneath the flood? Were you there? We called your name a thousand times Please, let us be forgotten Though our bodies stain your lands We may hear your children’s faces But death is all we are Not love, not life, only the death we died |
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8. | Apocalypse (Hypocrisy cover) | 05:18 | Show lyrics |
...since I was a child, I saw my own way. and god was not a part of it. I am so sick of hearing your preach about heaven all this bullshit about paradise. [chanting] You (The) christians must be stopped from spreading all the lies, (The only way to gather them, with a ) (with the sound) (a bang.) Have mercy It’s the ending...of your life. As my mind slips away, I see no end of this misery The only truth is myself, I can’t go on this way NOOOO!! [Chantings] I use for killing, to the end of the rainbow. All alone I’ll be there. NOOO!!! When their time has arrived. Have mercy. It’s the end, of your life. When their time has arrived. Have mercy. It’s the ending, of your life. |
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49:34 |
White Light Came Down
Members | |
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Original line-up | |
Band members | |
Kishor | Guitars, Bass, Vocals |
Eric | Drums |
Roger | Guitars |
Miscellaneous staff | |
Kishor | Recording, Artwork |
Roger | Recording |
Brent Lambert | Mastering |
Tracks | |||
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1. | Die, Lavinia | 07:20 | Show lyrics |
Father, I’ve no hands Father, I’ve no voice Take me from this I cannot take myself (She would writhe on the ground Screaming up at the sun Covered in filth Ravaged by the dogs) Honey tongue, pride and joy, such a soft voice Silver child, sweet and mild Live forever in this beautiful garden You, the bright, shining light in a blue sky Tears for you are tears of joy You won’t ever die (Running down the line She would beg for water Without a tongue Blood flowing like a river from her open mouth) Marcus: Who is this, that flies away so fast? If I do dream, would all my wealth would wake me If I do wake, some planet strike me down Why dost not speak to me? You were there, lifeless stare Turning lead white, so serene Snap your neck Dead in the cold light is how you came to the garden You won’t ever leave Bled ’til noon, raped and torn But this is the last day Oh, goodbye, shut your eyes Turn your head away You died right here in the garden I killed you with my own hands |
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2. | Let Us Go | 04:34 | Show lyrics |
Shatter and blacken the Earth We are nothing, pour us into the sea This place is the province of fools Screaming once, then gone We are born into the ground Three fingers down Kindness, cut out our babbling tongues Running frantic, dripping blood Let us go, you are unkind Forgive us, and we’ll die afraid Far from the light of day With our arms open wide: Your cold, dead children We cry for you Under the flood, choking on ash We cry for you Reject the sun Kill our tomorrow Bury our heads Are we not wise? Breathe in the dirty, you failing child And we’ll die afraid Writhing in this heaven you made Under a cold, black sky Let us go, you are unkind Forgive us |
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3. | Tamora | 06:39 | Show lyrics |
Come on back and hold me down You took the light from out my eyes Your gods are cruel And your faith is unkind And I will bury you No matter this - they are blind And I am helpless at their feet Two minutes before You were shaking at my side Where are you now? Lucius: Give us the proudest prisoner of goths That we may hew his limbs And on a pile, ad manes fratrum Sacrifice his flesh That so the shadows be not appeased Tamora: Titus, rue the tears I shed A mother’s tears in passion for her son And if thy sons were ever dear to thee Oh, think my son to be as dear to me Sufficeth not that we are brought to Rome; But must my sons be slaughtered in the streets? Come back, come back to me, my child I will heal you of all your wounds Come back, come back to me, my child Tamora: I will find a day to massacre them all And make them know what ’tis To let a queen kneel in the streets And beg for grace in vain If I had a knife I would cut out your heart If I could untie these chains I would wrap them ’round your throat I will find a way to take your life for this Set me free for one more day; That day will be your last Aaron: Now climbeth Tamora Olympus’ top Safe out of fortune’s shot And sits aloft, secure of thunder’s crack, or lightning flash Advanced above pale envy’s threatening reach As when the golden sun salutes the morn And, having gilt the ocean with his beams Gallops the zodiac in his glistering coach And overlooks the highest peering hills |
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4. | Remnant | 06:46 | Show lyrics |
It’s like we drank a brutal poison, and it scoured right through our veins. Our hearts are hard and empty now, and we have lost all sense of hope. It’s like the sky is black as the earth, and all we breathe has drowned in dust. We see only hate wherever we look, so our blue eyes have turned to stone. (Morning shouldn’t ever have come to this - another fine day, dawning red. The earth itself has turned against you, and from its deepest heart rent your gardens wide. You fail to see: we walk beside you, holding the knife. We’ll kill them all. We have but one heart left among us - a screaming shadow, run shaking to its end. I tell you, I swear, we’ll kill them all.) Here comes the sun. You’ve wanted this for oh, so long. They all came to throw your doors open wide, take you out into the light; but you’ll remain here in this black room. You died half a day too soon. This cold and rotten fruit, this dry and bitter fruit, is all for you. How you walk, so like the blind. How you speak, so like the deaf. And how you died. The sun is only an illusion, but it still hides away in shame. We’ll vanish from here like smoke on the wind. We won’t be seen ever again. It was a prayer much like this one: useless and detached. It was a day much like this one; we covered over your broken body, there on the hill. |
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5. | New Year’s Day | 06:36 | Show lyrics |
Well, here’s to the New Year. We were too drunk to see it come, And when we woke with the light, You were already gone. We don’t remember anything. It was a bad day, thick with ghosts. Would you have died anyway, If I held you in my arms? Here’s to the New Year. You were the last. We called for you until our voices died. There is a white door, flying open. There’s only morning where you’re gone. You are reaching upwards, always, Fading into the cold light. I dream a thousand dreams Where you never, ever died. This song is dedicated to Michael Crosby and the thirty-first of December, 1999. |
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6. | Lamentation | 05:56 | Show lyrics |
Go drown the sun in blood What a beautiful day! How the daylight shines upon us in our tombes! Go call back the rivers Dry them in their courses The king of dawn is dead Tell your dreaming children The heavens are devoured Let them never wake again Mary, listen well: You carry a cancer red fruit in your dead womb Oh, holy revelation: We were weak and then we fell Carve us out a new sky Without any color For our rebirth is as the blind How like we are to fire! Here is what remains when fire’s gone Burn down our land We are the traitor sons of light Mother, you won’t ever cry again once we consume your blue eyes Here, we are the failures: Children who could have been gods Our flickering shadows grow ever longer Dancing a funeral lament Bury us tomorrow Bury us down in the dirt Go drown the sun in blood What a beautiful day! How the daylight shines upon us in our tombs! Go call back the rivers Dry them in their courses The king of dawn is dead Drown the sun in blood Give us back to water Our laughter lies dying in our throats Build for us a shrine of our remaining hours And pray for us, for our voices are gone |
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7. | White Light Came Down | 06:25 | Show lyrics |
There are the ruins of us Jagged edges upwards, clawing at the sky There, our twisted bodies froze into these forms: Daggers aimed at unseen hearts White light came down We died with a curse nearly past our lips And fell six shallow feet It could have been paradise But the ground was frozen And all our flesh was swelled with rot Give us our peace, blistered and broken So this day might end Give us a home, barren and black Shattered asunder Take from our hands every song Until there’s nothing left This is our grave, shut like a lock Stronger than even the stones Despite our fondest dreams We won’t ever fly from here Although our hearts are young It’s true, we did fly once For a moment some years ago But failed to find the sun And so we fell And you are right to doubt us To say we are all cowards To think that we were weak We could have fallen so much farther Or bled for some much longer But even then, its here we would remain Were you there, oh father When we died beneath the flood? Were you there? We called your name a thousand times Please, let us be forgotten Though our bodies stain your lands We may hear your children’s faces But death is all we are Not love, not life, only the death we died |
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8. | Apocalypse (Hypocrisy cover) | 05:18 | Show lyrics |
...since I was a child, I saw my own way. and god was not a part of it. I am so sick of hearing your preach about heaven all this bullshit about paradise. [chanting] You (The) christians must be stopped from spreading all the lies, (The only way to gather them, with a ) (with the sound) (a bang.) Have mercy It’s the ending...of your life. As my mind slips away, I see no end of this misery The only truth is myself, I can’t go on this way NOOOO!! [Chantings] I use for killing, to the end of the rainbow. All alone I’ll be there. NOOO!!! When their time has arrived. Have mercy. It’s the end, of your life. When their time has arrived. Have mercy. It’s the ending, of your life. |
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49:34 |
Ingrate
Members | |
---|---|
Miscellaneous staff | |
Kishor | Recording |
Tracks | |||
---|---|---|---|
1. | Pathetic Labor | 04:46 | Show lyrics |
Run, and never come back. The hour is upon you. Never come back. The measure of your failures is the sum of what you are. Where will you fly, child? Far beyond my reach? How will you fly, child, so fast and so far that you might outpace the sun? Who in his right mind would go on with this pathetic labor, long after hope and beauty are gone? You’ve lost everything. Go, break your back. Grind your face in the dirt. You asked and you’ll receive. Here is watered wine, given to you in scorn. Swallow it down until you choke, and die in a corner, a martyr without a god. Who in his right mind would go on with this pathetic labor, after everything? Come, come, surrender to the weakness of the moment. Bow down and become empty. I’ll give you all you need, and take everything you are. Raise your head up high. Close your searching eyes, and open your mouth wide. You’re nothing but a slave. Who in his right mind would cast off his every dream to go on with this pathetic labor, after everything? | |||
2. | Husk | 04:02 | Show lyrics |
Are you suffocating? I heard a voice calling out from the street last night, but it wasn’t you. You were laying in a cold white bed with a tube shoved into your throat. This is not the way that it should have ended between you and me: faint voices fading down the wire. Everything in the room is so quiet. They close your mouth and take you off the machine. Consider this a moment of reason, from the abyss into which you’re about to fall. You are not strong enough. It’s not murder, but it feels like it when I let go. It’s far too late, too late to bring you back for long, too late for this weak indulgence. See how I have learned! My mouth is shut like a lock. It’s far too late. No penitence or labor will bring you back after the harshest judge has spoken. Are you conscious? Your eyes move, but they don’t track anything here inside the room. They’re focused on a great white light or a face from long ago. I try, but I can’t see a thing and I promise, nothing’s there. If you can breathe at all, respond. Or, better by far, just give in, like we had asked. Any moment now you will find, on your back with your eyes wide open, that everything is revealed, every wrong has been forgiven, and you’ll never be alone, ever again, ever again. I owe you this: to release you from this husk, with no hope of better days, but only an end to pain. | |||
3. | Gift | 05:45 | Show lyrics |
What sense do you lack, that you cannot hear this song, that you turn away from this warmth into your unlit world, and crawl, naked and afraid? Thank you for this sweet communion, that rolls like a ghost on my tongue, empty if not for your name, silent except for your song. I can remember your face. I taste you whenever I breathe. If you would come back to me, shining, I would lay my head at your feet. I can’t believe that you’re gone. Here, on my back I lay here, foul-tongued, working to build a cage of bitter words to trap revelations. You, you bought the fucking scripture whole, and your soul is fed hand to mouth on another’s words, starving, soon gone without a trace. You have one chance left to accept absolution: dance like a madman to the demanding beat in your blood, no matter it’s bleeding from your feet wherever you step. Dance like a whirlwind, or you’ll be lost; and if the pressure is too strong, if the desire to rest fills you with joy, then you must leave this sacred room. You don’t belong here, and you might as well be dead. How I wish, how I yearn after stars, when all I can see is this light from a fire that died years ago. If I excise the root, the rest of this sick longing might disappear. Child, oh child, can you hear me? You weren’t worth the price after all. If your heart had truly been open, you would have come back when I called. You won’t ever see me again. | |||
4. | Remain in Silence | 04:01 | Show lyrics |
Hands of stone close the door. Eyes of stone watch without sight. I must be stone - I feel nothing. Saint of hope and kindness, raise your head. Who among us will recall that you are human, in neither form nor power like a god? I build a monument in your name to obscure my weakness, then search for hope in vain from its highest point. The sun here is cruel and revealing. Be kind now - turn away from my scars. The place where I was born is filled with strangers. I’ve become a slave in its deepest room. Maybe if I hide for long enough, I can die right here. I should lock myself behind this door, and press the gun into my waiting mouth, break the teeth, burn the tongue, rip the skin, shatter bone, spill the blood out, never find the heart. How could you remain in silence, and cast your eyes down? How could you remain in silence? I have found the sacred truth: you shine like heaven, but you’re scum. Saint of what’s dead and gone, you’re killing us all with your disease. This is not a dance of celebration, but something poor men do in hungry years. I had everything once, and then I lost it. I wish I was dead, because my body’s given up. | |||
5. | Wake | 05:46 | Show lyrics |
There will come a dawn, you’ll see, during which you may feel the uncontrollable urge to arise, cast off your unbecoming grief, and merge with the surrounding light, and not remember us. With our hands to the sky, we yearn for your ghost. We’d pull you back to us if we could. Somehow, I believe we never will, no matter how we might stretch upwards for miles. No matter. You remain beyond our reach. Why, of all of us, should you alone achieve unity with the divine, while we lie here waiting for words that never come? We’ll die here, waiting for you. Oh, friend, we were far too cautious to return the embrace. So, like a wave, from the center and outwards, into pure calm, you’ll fly like a god, while we claw in vain at the empty air. I’ve heard the eye is a perfect razor. So soon after you’re gone, even we will forget your name, though in my dreams you’re awake, and aware of everything, dancing in the limitless fire. Hello, sunlight. Come consume me whole. I’m tired of waiting for you. Come consume me whole. There’s a fire in heaven. You’ve never seen such fire. Wake up, oh god wake up, wake up, oh please god wake up. | |||
6. | Ingrate | 05:06 | Show lyrics |
I brought the gift of fire. Doubtless, when you dream, you think of me - or what would be the point of remaining alone? A version of me hides behind every door. The virgin’s sense of longing, gone these many years, comes back with a shock - or what would be the point of seeking me? Your silence on this point is answer enough. I have your hidden heart, clenched within my fever grasp, helpless except to return. You lived here as a child, but you’re barred from this door. Since you turned from my words, you can’t see me anymore. I will be the enemy inside your chest. Fear me now. I promise you will never rest. You were fed by these hands, beloved of kings. You felt nothing at all. Now, a dog in a corner would have more courage. You turned away once. That was your last chance. I have heard your strongest prayers. I have seen your filthy hands. No true son of mine would reject me, and you are not singing loud enough, and you’re not trying hard enough, and you’ve been here for long enough to know better, but still you turned away. Now you’re a child of this world, dirt within a weak shell. When you move, it’s without direction. When you die, you’ll disappear. Like a falling cinder consumed, turning to ash, you’ll feel nothing at all. If I was god of this world, I swear to you, you’d suffer like no man, no man ever has. Ingrate! You can’t have been more wrong. Everything you love means shit. You can’t have been more wrong. | |||
7. | Behind Every Tree and Stone | 05:30 | Show lyrics |
(loading lyrics...) | |||
8. | In Your Absence | 06:22 | Show lyrics |
I’m sick to death of your silence. I’ll die before you can catch me crying for grace with empty praise. Even after your absence, no-one seems able to believe that you’re gone. I believe you were never there. I’d run like hell from a thousand luminous forms that look just like you, but contain nothing of the truth. I’d die to avoid your thousand hands, that pull me down towards any pretension of permanence, and I see you feel the same. You’ve left me here and hidden in a corner. You would die to escape my touch. Call it an act of love. Call it whatever you like - I know the truth. I was born with a knife in my hand, and no other fitting target, so raise your head, bare your throat. You don’t deserve conversations with the beloved. You have a poison tongue. You should be chained to the floor, and left to rot, with all the other dogs. I’ll come to you and sing. You’ll never wake up from this dream. I see you, finally, I do. Your face is the same as mine: empty of everything but hunger. Why in god’s name do you smile? How in god’s name can you smile? Look at what you’ve done with what I gave. I’ve found the only true meaning of surrender. It was not within your words. I am a stone, this is an ocean, and I will be washed clean, and forgotten, and reduced to sand. | |||
9. | Father Alabaster | 09:50 | Show lyrics |
What is this? No breathless abandon; no life-consuming fire. Where is the blood-red song? It was so loud that our veins would overflow. Hang your head down in silence. Your body is a pillar of shame. It’s been so long since you came here that you’ve forgotten why. A single, distant point of light, faint and far. When you were a child, it never would shine so bright as this. Where is that light? (Someone behind us forced it down.) I hear a song. (Child, you were born deaf.) I’ll follow it home. (Home is a black and empty thing.) I’ll follow it home. (Home is a bitter, broken cage, made of death.) Close your eyes; there’s nothing here to see. Lay your white head down. Go to sleep. And until you die, you’ll remain here. You opened up your eyes and stared straight into the sun for too long. It turned you pale and white, transparent in the light. Your morning song won’t be heard any longer. A wind came from the sea and took it away. Remember, you came from dust, and to that dust you shall return. All your life, you lay down. You’re a stranger in a cruel place, a name and a sunken face, and your white heart is empty. You’re gone without a prayer. Come back. | |||
51:08 |
Ingrate
Members | |
---|---|
Original line-up | |
Miscellaneous staff | |
Kishor | Recording |
Tracks | |||
---|---|---|---|
1. | Pathetic Labor | 04:46 | Show lyrics |
Run, and never come back. The hour is upon you. Never come back. The measure of your failures is the sum of what you are. Where will you fly, child? Far beyond my reach? How will you fly, child, so fast and so far that you might outpace the sun? Who in his right mind would go on with this pathetic labor, long after hope and beauty are gone? You’ve lost everything. Go, break your back. Grind your face in the dirt. You asked and you’ll receive. Here is watered wine, given to you in scorn. Swallow it down until you choke, and die in a corner, a martyr without a god. Who in his right mind would go on with this pathetic labor, after everything? Come, come, surrender to the weakness of the moment. Bow down and become empty. I’ll give you all you need, and take everything you are. Raise your head up high. Close your searching eyes, and open your mouth wide. You’re nothing but a slave. Who in his right mind would cast off his every dream to go on with this pathetic labor, after everything? | |||
2. | Husk | 04:02 | Show lyrics |
Are you suffocating? I heard a voice calling out from the street last night, but it wasn’t you. You were laying in a cold white bed with a tube shoved into your throat. This is not the way that it should have ended between you and me: faint voices fading down the wire. Everything in the room is so quiet. They close your mouth and take you off the machine. Consider this a moment of reason, from the abyss into which you’re about to fall. You are not strong enough. It’s not murder, but it feels like it when I let go. It’s far too late, too late to bring you back for long, too late for this weak indulgence. See how I have learned! My mouth is shut like a lock. It’s far too late. No penitence or labor will bring you back after the harshest judge has spoken. Are you conscious? Your eyes move, but they don’t track anything here inside the room. They’re focused on a great white light or a face from long ago. I try, but I can’t see a thing and I promise, nothing’s there. If you can breathe at all, respond. Or, better by far, just give in, like we had asked. Any moment now you will find, on your back with your eyes wide open, that everything is revealed, every wrong has been forgiven, and you’ll never be alone, ever again, ever again. I owe you this: to release you from this husk, with no hope of better days, but only an end to pain. | |||
3. | Gift | 05:45 | Show lyrics |
What sense do you lack, that you cannot hear this song, that you turn away from this warmth into your unlit world, and crawl, naked and afraid? Thank you for this sweet communion, that rolls like a ghost on my tongue, empty if not for your name, silent except for your song. I can remember your face. I taste you whenever I breathe. If you would come back to me, shining, I would lay my head at your feet. I can’t believe that you’re gone. Here, on my back I lay here, foul-tongued, working to build a cage of bitter words to trap revelations. You, you bought the fucking scripture whole, and your soul is fed hand to mouth on another’s words, starving, soon gone without a trace. You have one chance left to accept absolution: dance like a madman to the demanding beat in your blood, no matter it’s bleeding from your feet wherever you step. Dance like a whirlwind, or you’ll be lost; and if the pressure is too strong, if the desire to rest fills you with joy, then you must leave this sacred room. You don’t belong here, and you might as well be dead. How I wish, how I yearn after stars, when all I can see is this light from a fire that died years ago. If I excise the root, the rest of this sick longing might disappear. Child, oh child, can you hear me? You weren’t worth the price after all. If your heart had truly been open, you would have come back when I called. You won’t ever see me again. | |||
4. | Remain in Silence | 04:01 | Show lyrics |
Hands of stone close the door. Eyes of stone watch without sight. I must be stone - I feel nothing. Saint of hope and kindness, raise your head. Who among us will recall that you are human, in neither form nor power like a god? I build a monument in your name to obscure my weakness, then search for hope in vain from its highest point. The sun here is cruel and revealing. Be kind now - turn away from my scars. The place where I was born is filled with strangers. I’ve become a slave in its deepest room. Maybe if I hide for long enough, I can die right here. I should lock myself behind this door, and press the gun into my waiting mouth, break the teeth, burn the tongue, rip the skin, shatter bone, spill the blood out, never find the heart. How could you remain in silence, and cast your eyes down? How could you remain in silence? I have found the sacred truth: you shine like heaven, but you’re scum. Saint of what’s dead and gone, you’re killing us all with your disease. This is not a dance of celebration, but something poor men do in hungry years. I had everything once, and then I lost it. I wish I was dead, because my body’s given up. | |||
5. | Wake | 05:46 | Show lyrics |
There will come a dawn, you’ll see, during which you may feel the uncontrollable urge to arise, cast off your unbecoming grief, and merge with the surrounding light, and not remember us. With our hands to the sky, we yearn for your ghost. We’d pull you back to us if we could. Somehow, I believe we never will, no matter how we might stretch upwards for miles. No matter. You remain beyond our reach. Why, of all of us, should you alone achieve unity with the divine, while we lie here waiting for words that never come? We’ll die here, waiting for you. Oh, friend, we were far too cautious to return the embrace. So, like a wave, from the center and outwards, into pure calm, you’ll fly like a god, while we claw in vain at the empty air. I’ve heard the eye is a perfect razor. So soon after you’re gone, even we will forget your name, though in my dreams you’re awake, and aware of everything, dancing in the limitless fire. Hello, sunlight. Come consume me whole. I’m tired of waiting for you. Come consume me whole. There’s a fire in heaven. You’ve never seen such fire. Wake up, oh god wake up, wake up, oh please god wake up. | |||
6. | Ingrate | 05:06 | Show lyrics |
I brought the gift of fire. Doubtless, when you dream, you think of me - or what would be the point of remaining alone? A version of me hides behind every door. The virgin’s sense of longing, gone these many years, comes back with a shock - or what would be the point of seeking me? Your silence on this point is answer enough. I have your hidden heart, clenched within my fever grasp, helpless except to return. You lived here as a child, but you’re barred from this door. Since you turned from my words, you can’t see me anymore. I will be the enemy inside your chest. Fear me now. I promise you will never rest. You were fed by these hands, beloved of kings. You felt nothing at all. Now, a dog in a corner would have more courage. You turned away once. That was your last chance. I have heard your strongest prayers. I have seen your filthy hands. No true son of mine would reject me, and you are not singing loud enough, and you’re not trying hard enough, and you’ve been here for long enough to know better, but still you turned away. Now you’re a child of this world, dirt within a weak shell. When you move, it’s without direction. When you die, you’ll disappear. Like a falling cinder consumed, turning to ash, you’ll feel nothing at all. If I was god of this world, I swear to you, you’d suffer like no man, no man ever has. Ingrate! You can’t have been more wrong. Everything you love means shit. You can’t have been more wrong. | |||
7. | Behind Every Tree and Stone | 05:30 | Show lyrics |
Some say the world will end in violence, or the sea will rise and cover up the land. You said the world was never-ending. When we were young, fate was far more kind, and the sun shone higher and more brightly, and the night was never quite this black. Could we have been so wrong? Where have you been gone? How could you wait so long, only to return, and die at my feet? Now I beg the truth from strangers, on empty streets in decaying towns, but I can’t forget your words. You said god was all around us, but I can’t find him anywhere, and I’ve looked behind every tree and stone. No star in the East, to light my path; no voice in the dark; no gentle hands, guiding me back home. And I know you’re here no longer, if you were ever here at all, but I feel your eyes upon me, and somehow, I swear you’re hiding, behind every tree and stone, behind every tree and stone. | |||
8. | In Your Absence | 06:22 | Show lyrics |
I’m sick to death of your silence. I’ll die before you can catch me crying for grace with empty praise. Even after your absence, no-one seems able to believe that you’re gone. I believe you were never there. I’d run like hell from a thousand luminous forms that look just like you, but contain nothing of the truth. I’d die to avoid your thousand hands, that pull me down towards any pretension of permanence, and I see you feel the same. You’ve left me here and hidden in a corner. You would die to escape my touch. Call it an act of love. Call it whatever you like - I know the truth. I was born with a knife in my hand, and no other fitting target, so raise your head, bare your throat. You don’t deserve conversations with the beloved. You have a poison tongue. You should be chained to the floor, and left to rot, with all the other dogs. I’ll come to you and sing. You’ll never wake up from this dream. I see you, finally, I do. Your face is the same as mine: empty of everything but hunger. Why in god’s name do you smile? How in god’s name can you smile? Look at what you’ve done with what I gave. I’ve found the only true meaning of surrender. It was not within your words. I am a stone, this is an ocean, and I will be washed clean, and forgotten, and reduced to sand. | |||
9. | Father Alabaster | 09:50 | Show lyrics |
What is this? No breathless abandon; no life-consuming fire. Where is the blood-red song? It was so loud that our veins would overflow. Hang your head down in silence. Your body is a pillar of shame. It’s been so long since you came here that you’ve forgotten why. A single, distant point of light, faint and far. When you were a child, it never would shine so bright as this. Where is that light? (Someone behind us forced it down.) I hear a song. (Child, you were born deaf.) I’ll follow it home. (Home is a black and empty thing.) I’ll follow it home. (Home is a bitter, broken cage, made of death.) Close your eyes; there’s nothing here to see. Lay your white head down. Go to sleep. And until you die, you’ll remain here. You opened up your eyes and stared straight into the sun for too long. It turned you pale and white, transparent in the light. Your morning song won’t be heard any longer. A wind came from the sea and took it away. Remember, you came from dust, and to that dust you shall return. All your life, you lay down. You’re a stranger in a cruel place, a name and a sunken face, and your white heart is empty. You’re gone without a prayer. Come back. | |||
51:08 |
Abject
Members | |
---|---|
Band members | |
Kishor | Bass, Drum programming, Guitars, Keyboards, Vocals |
Guest/Session | |
Russ Cowen | Guitars (additional) |
Miscellaneous staff | |
Kishor | Recording |
Brad Boatright | Mastering |
Aaron Ray-Crichton | Photography |
Tracks | |||
---|---|---|---|
1. | A Form of Blindness | 04:38 | Show lyrics |
A form of blindness drove me here, into your arms, in a reckless moment. A kind of pity kept me here past my days, as kind as chains on a slave. Would it come as a shock, to find your bird has flown, having rediscovered flight in the grip of the noose? You’re singing in the dark: a tether to your door. A second of remorse, as innocence creeps in. A shout in vain. The bastard’s mother, you took nothing in. There’s deception at the heart of you, cold heart, unbereaved. Blood on the ground beneath you, leaking down your legs to poison the bare earth, wherever you go. I’m never far behind. An unwilling father, you’re everything I asked. You gave to me the flesh for life. Moving and breathing, the red flower in my veins; completely dead beneath the surface - flat eyes, hollow chest. You’re raging at the dawn, a voice to crack the sky. Wherever I might go, you drag me by the neck. Did it come as a shock, when the collar, that fit so tight it would never come undone, was a means of escape, finally? I’ve left you far behind. In a secret life, we never met, and I had joy more than anything I’ve known. There’s a secret home, down a thousand steps. Its door will open once, and shut me in alone. | |||
2. | Host | 02:42 | Show lyrics |
My eyes in your face, staring at the wall. Here is where a grown man becomes a child again. It’s just as well you’ve laid down your burdens, after such a long life. After so many years when you did nothing but consume. Nothing in this world rests easy at night. Your heart slows down, but you’re bleeding out faster, drained, an empty sack. The pattern that you are is fragile. The pattern’s all you are, and it dissolves. And I am a willing host for anything that’s left: one quarter of your blood, the closest you will come to eternal life. And in good time, we’ll circle round like crows, an open-mouthed farewell, ripping you apart. Your voice in my throat, your tremors in my arms: the disease of the father forced upon the son. I have finally found a home. | |||
3. | Confined | 05:51 | Show lyrics |
Nothing in my house but cold words for a long life, abandoned to my need. Nothing in my house but long nights in a cold bed, hollowed out by grief. One second in the shadow would freeze my veins. One moment in the sunlight would burn me away. So my silence has lasted years. Can you hear me now? One word to fall, light as a feather, and bring your father down. That’s all I have left. A bitter end to a joyful life. That’s all I have left, one breath into the next and then it stops. That’s all I have left. I see it coming and I cannot look away. I could have had all of it, but I turned my back on it, and the worms tunneled in my blood. Enter me, feed on me. My skin is not my own. Enter me, feed on me, and die without a home. Til then there’s no relief. The mind is set to wander, while the body lingers on. There’s nothing in my house. A door has been thrown wide. The thief has come and gone. And the worst part of it is that I’m still inside of it, and I can see you all from here, but never say a word. I’m fed through a tube, and shit into a tube, in the corner of a room that I’ll never, ever leave, ever again. Every kind word I hear is from a stranger. Every day I’m washed, turned on my side, and left to rot. Every day I’m more like an animal, confined inside. That’s all I have left - a painful end, though it come in silence. That’s all I have left. Closing doors and distant voices. Here is all I need, drugged until my eyes glaze over. I remember who you are, though you’ve forgotten me by now. Minutes pass like days. Every night’s the same. Before we’re divided, look at me once more. I am not the father you adore. First my body withers, then it burns, and then to the river near my home I will return. A cloud is on my vision, but the road is clear: you can leave right now, and I will die right here. | |||
4. | Salt and Sand | 05:04 | Show lyrics |
Come, wash your wounds. Rest your bleeding feet. Though you’ve broken every promise, closed every door, wasted every gift, come take what you can. Wash your wounds with salt and sand. No matter how clean you are, you’ll never be clean enough. Your feet pollute the ground. Your breath poisons the air. Your body’s best described with words better left unsaid. You’re more than half dead. No, you can never be clean enough - but still, come wash your wounds in this stream, where as a child you would sit and dream, though dreams aren’t strong enough. Your day has come and gone. Stand in the circle, naked to the waist, locked in your own embrace, wallowing in filth. Remain under the water till it once again runs clear, and takes you far from here. At your approach, the earth would shift. Leaves scatter to the sky. Grass and flowers die. I praise your name with a million voices, raised in a song of shame, to keep the dead in the ground, your body on the ground, your face held to the ground, while I hammer the nail through. Then later, I’ll wash your wounds with salt and sand. Oh, how you lay there, king of birds and stones. Oh, how you lay there, graceless and cold, a shell, a piece of meat. You stabbed the sacred heart. You bit the sacred hand. You’ll die in your own shit, but first you’ll live in pain. No matter how you wash, you’ll never be clean again. | |||
5. | Aftermath | 04:02 | Show lyrics |
Part 1: In the aftermath of the kill, they scatter, like leaves and ashes would, as he drops from heaven like a stone. Cursed, slow, unwitting, you alone: left standing in his path. I blame the course of things, that took you from my side - a shadow cast on the ground for a moment, and then it’s gone, and no word, no act, no hope, nothing remains. Worms for your flesh, rats for your bones, and a stone with your name on it. I blame the hidden things, that attack from above, that live to strike us down, that hunger with no remorse, that tore you from my side without a sound. Part 2: Same mistake every day - drinking the poison down to the dregs. Sinking in, sinking deep, subtle as a whisper. This wound’s not the same as any other cut. No matter the skill of the hand, no matter the will of the mind, it will never heal. Your wound, your shame: it works like a drug inside you, but it spreads like a disease. Finally, you’ll climb up to the greatest height, like a ladder into the sky, outlined in black smoke against the sun, one breath before it’s blown away. What have you done? | |||
6. | Holy Blood | 02:58 | Show lyrics |
Holy blood, a gift of overwhelming grace, only for those who abase themselves and kneel at your command. One nation under fools who’ve forgotten how to stand. You’re crawling in a circle, chained inside since birth. Fall inwards from this point? You’ll never reach the earth. There’s nothing at the center: no god, no soul. A blind, voiceless mouth, opening to the sky at random. Suck down the shit nourishment you sought from above. Your father’s house has many rooms, but no room there for me. When I stand outside the walls, your iron gates seem weak. Give me bread and coin, and lock the door behind, focused inward on the divine. Stay in that circle till you rot. Standing at this height, no miracle of mind, but a circle made of lies, where the deaf entrap the blind. There’s nothing at the center. | |||
7. | The Beggar’s Song | 05:28 | Show lyrics |
Whosoever would offer sustenance, I come as a beggar before you. Some are called to the table who bring wine, fruit, or tender flesh - a feast for kings. There are those of us who come with only hunger. We’ll starve to death unless we learn to sing. A fool before your court, groveling in the dirt for every meal. Hold me down at the right moment. Nobody comes when I call. This cruelty is necessary - no one else will ever see, no one else will ever know. No one else will ever know what the truth is. Now see what you’ve done? Now see what you’ve done? Tasted of my flesh. I’m in the circle now, and everything is connected: my bones inside your skin. As daylight’s child, I was strong. Here, every night, I’m dead on my back. Though everything’s the same, and you’ll never hear my words, I’m closer to you now than I’ve ever been. Some are called to the table out of need. Some of us would have been happier alone. Are you now unready, or unwilling, to eat the harvest you have sown? If I return to you with a cover on my eyes, treat me gently. And though I seem a beggar in disguise, let me in, and let me have my fill. If I come as a wolf before your door, make me welcome. But afterwards, if once you turn away, as if you never saw me - I swear you never will. | |||
8. | Echo in Dead Space | 03:29 | Show lyrics |
In the end, that’s all it takes: the choice to be numb, the chance to forget what little might have been. It’s not from the sky; it’s born from within, ephemeral as vapor. From the back of the mind to the tip of the tongue, inevitably changes. When I say blood is a chain; when I say death is a gift; when I say I’m not coming back - what you should hear is a song from a cage. Move my lips in sacred shapes. Everything is a twisted echo in dead space. It has to be enough, because it’s all there is. Writhe, mouth on mouth,a velvet tongue. Stick it in: a brand new sacrament every time. I remember you well, although you’re gone, lost to the years. There’s a stranger in your skin. Up in the sky, it hangs likes a curse, a scar in the center of my eye. And like a fire, it consumes, though it’s burning miles away, and every shred of hope, every scrap of warmth has been denied. I rise from my worthless sleep, a worm on the ground at your feet. If miles and years melt away, I see you shining high, clear as the dawn. I should die that day. It hurts for a second and then it’s gone. | |||
9. | Your Words Are Made of Gold | 04:42 | Show lyrics |
Your words are made of gold. On a summer day, they fly up to the sun, and they’re gone away. My words are made of iron. They pierce me through my feet, and hold me to the ground. I’ll never leave. I’ll never grow up, and I’ll never grow old, but I’ll learn how to bow down and do what I’m told. Your bitter, cold voice is so loud in my ear; god, I wish you were here, wish you were here. I know what it takes, to prove I never lied: if I kill myself right here, will you believe me? Well, it turns out I’m blind, and it turns out I’m weak, and that everyone’s right to be laughing at me. A secondhand ring from a secondhand man, and I’ll die in the street, die in the street. | |||
38:54 |
Abject
Members | |
---|---|
Original line-up | |
Band members | |
Kishor | Bass, Drum programming, Guitars, Keyboards, Vocals |
Guest/Session | |
Russ Cowen | Guitars (additional) |
Miscellaneous staff | |
Kishor | Recording |
Brad Boatright | Mastering |
Aaron Ray-Crichton | Photography |
Tracks | |||
---|---|---|---|
1. | A Form of Blindness | 04:38 | Show lyrics |
A form of blindness drove me here, into your arms, in a reckless moment. A kind of pity kept me here past my days, as kind as chains on a slave. Would it come as a shock, to find your bird has flown, having rediscovered flight in the grip of the noose? You’re singing in the dark: a tether to your door. A second of remorse, as innocence creeps in. A shout in vain. The bastard’s mother, you took nothing in. There’s deception at the heart of you, cold heart, unbereaved. Blood on the ground beneath you, leaking down your legs to poison the bare earth, wherever you go. I’m never far behind. An unwilling father, you’re everything I asked. You gave to me the flesh for life. Moving and breathing, the red flower in my veins; completely dead beneath the surface - flat eyes, hollow chest. You’re raging at the dawn, a voice to crack the sky. Wherever I might go, you drag me by the neck. Did it come as a shock, when the collar, that fit so tight it would never come undone, was a means of escape, finally? I’ve left you far behind. In a secret life, we never met, and I had joy more than anything I’ve known. There’s a secret home, down a thousand steps. Its door will open once, and shut me in alone. | |||
2. | Host | 02:42 | Show lyrics |
My eyes in your face, staring at the wall. Here is where a grown man becomes a child again. It’s just as well you’ve laid down your burdens, after such a long life. After so many years when you did nothing but consume. Nothing in this world rests easy at night. Your heart slows down, but you’re bleeding out faster, drained, an empty sack. The pattern that you are is fragile. The pattern’s all you are, and it dissolves. And I am a willing host for anything that’s left: one quarter of your blood, the closest you will come to eternal life. And in good time, we’ll circle round like crows, an open-mouthed farewell, ripping you apart. Your voice in my throat, your tremors in my arms: the disease of the father forced upon the son. I have finally found a home. | |||
3. | Confined | 05:51 | Show lyrics |
Nothing in my house but cold words for a long life, abandoned to my need. Nothing in my house but long nights in a cold bed, hollowed out by grief. One second in the shadow would freeze my veins. One moment in the sunlight would burn me away. So my silence has lasted years. Can you hear me now? One word to fall, light as a feather, and bring your father down. That’s all I have left. A bitter end to a joyful life. That’s all I have left, one breath into the next and then it stops. That’s all I have left. I see it coming and I cannot look away. I could have had all of it, but I turned my back on it, and the worms tunneled in my blood. Enter me, feed on me. My skin is not my own. Enter me, feed on me, and die without a home. Til then there’s no relief. The mind is set to wander, while the body lingers on. There’s nothing in my house. A door has been thrown wide. The thief has come and gone. And the worst part of it is that I’m still inside of it, and I can see you all from here, but never say a word. I’m fed through a tube, and shit into a tube, in the corner of a room that I’ll never, ever leave, ever again. Every kind word I hear is from a stranger. Every day I’m washed, turned on my side, and left to rot. Every day I’m more like an animal, confined inside. That’s all I have left - a painful end, though it come in silence. That’s all I have left. Closing doors and distant voices. Here is all I need, drugged until my eyes glaze over. I remember who you are, though you’ve forgotten me by now. Minutes pass like days. Every night’s the same. Before we’re divided, look at me once more. I am not the father you adore. First my body withers, then it burns, and then to the river near my home I will return. A cloud is on my vision, but the road is clear: you can leave right now, and I will die right here. | |||
4. | Salt and Sand | 05:04 | Show lyrics |
Come, wash your wounds. Rest your bleeding feet. Though you’ve broken every promise, closed every door, wasted every gift, come take what you can. Wash your wounds with salt and sand. No matter how clean you are, you’ll never be clean enough. Your feet pollute the ground. Your breath poisons the air. Your body’s best described with words better left unsaid. You’re more than half dead. No, you can never be clean enough - but still, come wash your wounds in this stream, where as a child you would sit and dream, though dreams aren’t strong enough. Your day has come and gone. Stand in the circle, naked to the waist, locked in your own embrace, wallowing in filth. Remain under the water till it once again runs clear, and takes you far from here. At your approach, the earth would shift. Leaves scatter to the sky. Grass and flowers die. I praise your name with a million voices, raised in a song of shame, to keep the dead in the ground, your body on the ground, your face held to the ground, while I hammer the nail through. Then later, I’ll wash your wounds with salt and sand. Oh, how you lay there, king of birds and stones. Oh, how you lay there, graceless and cold, a shell, a piece of meat. You stabbed the sacred heart. You bit the sacred hand. You’ll die in your own shit, but first you’ll live in pain. No matter how you wash, you’ll never be clean again. | |||
5. | Aftermath | 04:02 | Show lyrics |
Part 1: In the aftermath of the kill, they scatter, like leaves and ashes would, as he drops from heaven like a stone. Cursed, slow, unwitting, you alone: left standing in his path. I blame the course of things, that took you from my side - a shadow cast on the ground for a moment, and then it’s gone, and no word, no act, no hope, nothing remains. Worms for your flesh, rats for your bones, and a stone with your name on it. I blame the hidden things, that attack from above, that live to strike us down, that hunger with no remorse, that tore you from my side without a sound. Part 2: Same mistake every day - drinking the poison down to the dregs. Sinking in, sinking deep, subtle as a whisper. This wound’s not the same as any other cut. No matter the skill of the hand, no matter the will of the mind, it will never heal. Your wound, your shame: it works like a drug inside you, but it spreads like a disease. Finally, you’ll climb up to the greatest height, like a ladder into the sky, outlined in black smoke against the sun, one breath before it’s blown away. What have you done? | |||
6. | Holy Blood | 02:58 | Show lyrics |
Holy blood, a gift of overwhelming grace, only for those who abase themselves and kneel at your command. One nation under fools who’ve forgotten how to stand. You’re crawling in a circle, chained inside since birth. Fall inwards from this point? You’ll never reach the earth. There’s nothing at the center: no god, no soul. A blind, voiceless mouth, opening to the sky at random. Suck down the shit nourishment you sought from above. Your father’s house has many rooms, but no room there for me. When I stand outside the walls, your iron gates seem weak. Give me bread and coin, and lock the door behind, focused inward on the divine. Stay in that circle till you rot. Standing at this height, no miracle of mind, but a circle made of lies, where the deaf entrap the blind. There’s nothing at the center. | |||
7. | The Beggar’s Song | 05:28 | Show lyrics |
(loading lyrics...) | |||
8. | Echo in Dead Space | 03:29 | Show lyrics |
In the end, that’s all it takes: the choice to be numb, the chance to forget what little might have been. It’s not from the sky; it’s born from within, ephemeral as vapor. From the back of the mind to the tip of the tongue, inevitably changes. When I say blood is a chain; when I say death is a gift; when I say I’m not coming back - what you should hear is a song from a cage. Move my lips in sacred shapes. Everything is a twisted echo in dead space. It has to be enough, because it’s all there is. Writhe, mouth on mouth,a velvet tongue. Stick it in: a brand new sacrament every time. I remember you well, although you’re gone, lost to the years. There’s a stranger in your skin. Up in the sky, it hangs likes a curse, a scar in the center of my eye. And like a fire, it consumes, though it’s burning miles away, and every shred of hope, every scrap of warmth has been denied. I rise from my worthless sleep, a worm on the ground at your feet. If miles and years melt away, I see you shining high, clear as the dawn. I should die that day. It hurts for a second and then it’s gone. | |||
9. | Your Words Are Made of Gold | 04:42 | Show lyrics |
Your words are made of gold. On a summer day, they fly up to the sun, and they’re gone away. My words are made of iron. They pierce me through my feet, and hold me to the ground. I’ll never leave. I’ll never grow up, and I’ll never grow old, but I’ll learn how to bow down and do what I’m told. Your bitter, cold voice is so loud in my ear; god, I wish you were here, wish you were here. I know what it takes, to prove I never lied: if I kill myself right here, will you believe me? Well, it turns out I’m blind, and it turns out I’m weak, and that everyone’s right to be laughing at me. A secondhand ring from a secondhand man, and I’ll die in the street, die in the street. | |||
38:54 |
Band ascii art
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